May 2002 Archives
The $50/month room I was going to rent didn't work out so I instead scattered all of my earthly belongings to various trusted friend's houses. Each item's foster home was determined by who would get the most use out of it. I will be living on various friend's couches until further notice.
I've got my computer over at
Ben's house. I play with his doggie and get on the internet here during the day. I'm going through severe internet withdrawl. I think it's a good thing though. I'm more like a poor sucker going to a methadone clinic than a broke junkie shivering naked on a curb somewhere. All the extra time I've got now is necessarily used thinking, thinking, seeing friends, reading, thinking, reading, photographing, but mostly thinking.
I'm smack dab in the middle of a drastic transitional phase. I've got almost no earthly obligations at all. I'm up to my neck in future possibilities. It's both exciting and terrifying. I have the feeling that however I grow out of where I'm at now, it's going to be very very good.
I'm structuring which hours in the day I spend looking for jobs, pursuing photography, reading, and socializing with friends, current, new, and previously neglected.
I've got a little money coming in from unemployment, so I'm not starving. No more than usual anyways. Tee hee.
I ran into Amy last night at club DeVille. She was chilling with Travis and her sister, who looks practically identical to her. The similarity is eerie. Later on I got to talking to her sister and the conversation turned to intuition and what's important in life. I slept on my unbedded floor last night and dig some thinking. I thought about unspoken language, what I enjoy about the interpersonal relationships that I currently have and have had in the past, how I want to be, and which kinds of connections I want to nurture in the future.
Good stuff.
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Posted by Administrator on May 30, 2002
Lots of news today for your greedy little eyes!
I accepted a position at
HillCast Technologies the other day as a Java Software Developer. I'm really psyched about it. All the people there are really smart and the technology is realy rad. They're doing streaming stock quotes to cell phones and PDAs. I'm also very excited to have structure back in my life again. I have a place to be 5 days out of the week. The only thing that sucks about it is the pay. They're paying me less than an intern would get. For two months I won't even make enough money to live on. It's pretty horrible, the state of the economy and such. I'm moving out of my apartment in two weeks and probably moving into a 1-room 20'x10' basement tool room thing. There is no running water there. No toilet. Rent: $50/month. Woohoo!
The economy is raping me like a large black man in prison.
I imagine that I'll bathe at friend's houses for the next couple months and
cut back on my prostitute addiction. Ooh, speaking of prostitutes, I saw
a really great movie the other night. It's called, "About A Boy" and stars
Hugh Grant. It's almost as cute and charming as Amalie. Go see it. Bring a date.
My social life has really blossomed lately. It's a gentle-type growth,
compared to the explosive growth that I experienced a month ago. Groovy that.
I'm in the worst economic shape I've ever been in in my life, yet I'm
really darn happy and enthusiastic about what tomorrow holds. I've got
some really great connections with some really great people in my life.
Now to bring in enough money to visit my dying father up in New York.
God? Please? Pretty please?
Speaking of God, I ran into this Jew at Spiderhouse the other day. He was very
obviously an alcoholic and had been living on the street. He looked me in the
eye and told me that I "had no fear" and recited some old testament
Zackariah story to me. It was a wild experience. It made me want to read the
bible just to figure out what he was talking about. He pronounced, "reticulated python" the same way Hanibal Lecter pronounces, "Clarise". He also had a
funny habit of rolling his eyes into the back of his head.
On a lighter note, here is something for your entertainment:
The Brick Testament.
Here's a very funny prank call mp3:
budonkadonk.
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Posted by Administrator on May 18, 2002
Java java java, java java.
Jaaaaaaaaava java java java java.
Java?
Java!
I mean, come on... Java!
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Posted by Administrator on May 03, 2002
I lost my job Wednesday. I was sitting at my desk. Right before lunch I
got an email announcing a "mandatory meeting". They called us in and
informed us, without any explanation, that this was our last day. They
made us sign some papers, and one-by-one they went back to our desks to
retrieve our essential personal affects. We never got a chance to say
goodbye to anybody.
This event triggered the most surreal chain of events ever. There
are too many to recount here and now. I've been a bit numbed by the
crumbling of all structure in my life. I've only now been able to write about
it. And briefly at that.
The most significant lesson to be learned by said crumbling is the importance
of friends and love. They've really come through for me. Both by helping
me keep my shit together emotionally, and tangibly. I've got a job interview
Monday thanks to
Jeremy.
And not some shitty survival situation either. An exciting software
development position. One where I can put my crazy Java skills to use.
I've been spending a lot of time with
Bruce Dye lately. We both got hired and laid off at the same time.
He's one of the rare guys that I get along with. Speaking of rare guy friends,
Ben took me to a musical, "Sweet Charity", at the Paramount Theatre a couple days ago. Fellini wrote it.
T'was really good. It was about a wacky woman's quest for love in the mid 60's. I got dressed up and felt all fancy and cultured and shit.
I'm so lucky to have good friends.
Last week I was about to write this essay about how dumb we are
for letting our jobs dictate how we feel about ourselves. That was when I
HAD a job. Now I'm in this scary/exciting void of infinite potential.
I can be anything now. Now it's a lot harder to answer the question, "Who
am I?". You know those Buddhist monks who don't have normal
working jobs, who sit up on a mountain and ponder existence and
whatnot all day. You know what I bet they say when you ask them who they
are? I bet they say, "I'm a Buddhist monk".
And that's unfortunate. They should know better.
As an exercise for the reader, I challenge each of you to really think
hard about WHO YOU ARE, outside of any social context. You're not
your job, you're not your school, you're not your family either. You're
not what you create, who you know, how much money you have, or
how many people you have sex with. You're not your gang, you're not your
church, you're not your sports team, and you're sure not your website.
So answer the question, when all of the fire-proof doors that protect you
from seeing yourself are chained open, when there are no symbols there
to hide behind, no groups or vocations to identify with, "WHO AM I?".
Who would you be if you were the sole survivor of nuclear armageddon?
And if you say "a cockroach" I'll punch you in the nose.
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Posted by Administrator on May 02, 2002