Happy Halloween! This has got to be my favorite holiday of them all.
I've yet to pick out a costume yet, but I trust it's gonna be a good one.
I've been doing a lot of cranking on schoolwork lately. It's right in
the thick of the semester at St Eds, and that's been gobbling up a whole
lot of my time. Thankfully, Austin has places like
Mojos where
I can study and drink coffee and play chess and meet beautiful and fascinating
people.
The other day I stepped out onto my porch to roll a cigarette and noticed that
the fire hydrant on the corner of our street was gushing water. I grabbed
my camera, rolled up my pant legs all Huckleberry Finn-style and waded into
the onrush for some hopefully rad photos. I'll post em once they're all
developed and everything.
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Posted by Administrator on Oct 30, 2002
I had the most excellent conversation today with this fella at Mojos. He was a juggernaut of ideas and theories and whatnot. The central theme of the conversation boiled down to how important it is for us to accept that we deserve love. Accepting that we deserve love serves to open our eyes to the beauty in others, and makes it impossible not to forgive. We often treat others how others have treated us. It is often in a bad way.
Another tenant of the conversation was that what we percieve as evil is usually no more than a human reacting to a percieved fear. This reminder came at just the perfect time. Shanna does not appear to be interested in maintaining any part of the connection that we had. I am. I can understand why she might not want to. We do not share the same temprament when it comes to enduring pain for the sake of virtue. Or maybe her associated pain has bled all over onto the core of what we were, as a means of coping. (by rotting the virtue) I prefer to keep those things sacred, even if it means enduring short-term pain. It just makes me sad, is all.
That brings us to the Really Big Question that's on my mind right now.
What responsibilities do we have to each other, given that we're imperfect human beings, often reacting out of fear instead of love/understanding?
As long as we're following our heart, is it right to be as we like, as long as we are truthful to all involved? In other words, I've been thinking about how to justify my animal nature with my spiritual nature. It's certainly as wrong to deny ourselves of our animal nature as it is to deny others love or truth.
What when our animal/spiritual nature, openly and honestly expressed, causes others pain? What responsibilities do we have to protect others from their own flawed animal selves? This question is also very timely in light of recent events. Do we chalk it up and say, "well, the reason they're in pain is because of their lack of understanding, and I was truthful and open about everything, so I'm exonerated"? Should we consider the pain they're in a divine one? A constructive one? A step along the path to understanding? How careful ought we be with people to make sure that they can handle what is set forth? Is a certain amount of pain acceptable? If so, how much? These are all hard questions.
A hugely important issue that we covered in the intense 20 minutes of conversation was the importance of love. If we focus on love, and strive to see the reality/beauty in people under the fascade of intellect, IT IS SO GOOD. I'd have stuck an exclamation point at the end of that sentence, but I was afraid of overdoing it. Loving a person as much as we possibly can expedites understanding and forgiveness. We end up reacting to people on a much more REAL level too. We tend to be both more truthful, and also more sensitive to them. What a wonderful world it would be if everybody was strong enough to be this way.
Ok, enough hippy-dippy shit, up comes the next topic: (which is inextricably tied into the previous three paragraphs). The major source of fascination that attracts me to people is their capacity to love. I can see it in their eyes. Love for others, and love for themselves. This goes hand in hand with intuition and sensitivity. Some people hide this spark away inside (probably out of fear). These people are harder to get to know. They take more time to trust, to let their spark out of it's well-guarded cage. They have probably had a lot of pain in their lives and seek to avoid it. Others have their spark right out in the open. These people, I believe, are more willing to endure the pain necessary to posess emotional sensitivity. I believe that vulnerability is necessary for a fully functional soul.
I am a lover. I seek to "know" both types of people. One just takes more time and energy.
Laughter is the celebration of human understanding.
Wow, I'm really tired. I haven't felt this compelled to write in quite a while. These be inspirational times we be livin' in, matey.
Expect more real soon.
-Evan
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Posted by Administrator on Oct 22, 2002
King Tut ain't got shit on me!
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Posted by Administrator on Oct 21, 2002
Rolling with the punches, or the feigned blows, moreso. Action, and innaction, and the stalling of movement. Patience and cultivation, and then the time for reaping. The crop proved barren, the seeds, they bear no fruit.
And so it went. With a gentle puff from rosey warm cheeks, the house of cards crumpled on down. No casualties. Just a few minor bruises. A couple lumps on the head and in the throat.
Sometimes I think I'd rather strap myself to the rocket like a good little space monkey should.
It's really not a failure. More like a non-issue. A false start. A default. Yes, and this is what I will believe. This, it is the truth.
Bouncing back like a twenty-five cent superball is wrong. Valid heights beget valid depths. So into the valley I go.
Goodnight for now.
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Posted by Administrator on Oct 13, 2002
