heh, here is a business card I just made to promote my photography and web design. what do y'all think?let me know
Posted by Administrator on Jan 28, 2003
It has come to my attention that I haven't written anything in a while. Let me assure you, dear reader, that it is not from lack of anything to write about. My recent existence has been smattered with minor and major dramas.
Let's begin with the girlie drama. I began dating a girl named Debi a while back. She was just getting out of a long relationship at the time, and I was the one there to help her through it. Everything was casual, healthy, and sane for about two weeks. Then all shit broke loose. My friend Bruce was looking for a place to live, so she suggested that he move in with her. At the time, it was mostly unknown to everybody that her intention was to seduce him. There was such little honesty involved, on the part of Debi, that it is a matter of speculation as to what she was honest even with herself about. They moved in together, she was successful in seducing him, causing intense amounts of friction everywhere, and when she realized that she was unsuccessful in winning his good favor, she hooked back up with her ex-bf and out he went. In the thick of things I was questioned my faith in the universe. Honesty and compassion beget good consequences, and dishonesty and selfishness actions beget bad ones. Luckily, the sordid house of lies collapsed upon itself in exact proportion to it's unholy construction with a net sum of 0 karma, plus the experience. So I came out ahead. Phew.
My father is fatally ill with congestive heart failure. For non-medical types, congestive heart failure is the build-up of fluids in the body that shift around and eventually create a little puddle of fluid around the heart until the heart decides it's not very happy thumping away in the middle of a puddle and stops. Proper diet and exercise can halt this process, but my father is too far gone to make the necessary lifestyle changes. A life sans cheeseburgers and cigarettes is not worth living. Apparently. It's sad. My father hasn't been happy. He has diabetes and bad nerve pain in his back. His existence consists of watching TV, sleeping, fighting the pain, taking medication, fending off death, and doing random handyman stuff around the house. I visited him in New York a I few weeks ago. As soon as I got on the plane I got slammed by a 105 degree fever that lasted for 5 days. My appetite came to a screeching halt, I dehydrated, and lost eight pounds in four days. My muscles atrophied from spending 5 days in bed, and I got sore. I went to the doctor and was prescribed antibiotics for two ear infections and a sinus infection. Mentally, I was very very out of it. I felt like I was existing underwater, and my balance was all wonked out. Between the fever and the ear situation, I experienced much confusion and disorientation. I didn't leave the house for the full week that I was in New York. Luckily, I managed to squeeze a little consciousness through so that dad and I could talk. Walking out the door was very emotional. We said what will probably be our last goodbyes. Dad was afraid that he wasn't a avery good dad for hammering on my balls my whole life. I told him that I harbored no resentment and that I was grateful for having him as my dad. I wish we had communicated so freely before. It was great. I don't know what to say when people ask, "how is your dad?" I think when people ask that their intention is a general expression of concern. But how am I supposed to answer it? He's still kickin'. There is no getting better. He'll continue to exist until he doesn't anymore. To my friends who read this, any time you're tempted to ask how my father is, just give me a hug instead. It's better that way.
I thought about leaving Austin today. There is a job fair coming to Austin in February. They're recruiting for Software Development positions in South Carolina. I have no idea what's in South Carolina besides this company. I know that I adore Austin. Lately, the recurring question has been coming more often. "What should I do while working this dead-end office job?" Should I bone up on my computer skills? Promote my photography business? Just exist as happily as possible and not worry about larger aspirations so much? I think I'm the type of person who gets cranky when not working toward a greater goal. I have grown so much as a person here in Austin. I fear that leaving Austin would be like yanking my cultural life line. I'd surely shrivel up. I am a city boy for sure. I get a little taste of that withdrawl every time I leave here, for whatever reason. I have grown so much here, I'm not sure where I stop and Austin starts. It's as if my roots are all intertwined with the soul. I am part of the social fabric here. The coffee shops, art spaces, movie houses, and other locations here accommodate my every mood and need. My friends here are some of the most incredible creatures ever. Leaving would be surgical. And what would justify that surgery? I am not compelled.
Posted by Administrator on Jan 26, 2003
So the year rolled over and human beings everywhere, all at once, were compelled to think back on all the little adventures of the past year and look forward to the new ones.
I learned to listen to my gut instead of the words that people say.
Life has been particularly obvious and forthcoming with it's lessons lately.
So from that perspective, things have been really darn good.
I have all that I need. And I have the feeling that the clouds are primed to rain down sweet surprises.
I await with mouth wide opened to the sky.
Posted by Administrator on Jan 01, 2003